Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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