I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
