Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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