Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
