when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
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