look no pants
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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