My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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