Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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