dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
