go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I think I am morally bankrupt
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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