Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
