Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
