Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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