My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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