I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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