I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
