I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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