This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
found the other keg... it's in the tree
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Randomize
