you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
