I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
