Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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