My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
