$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
