I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
