My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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