Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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