I feel like I'm in dance class right now
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
