Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize