I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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