I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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