and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
