don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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