so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
