so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
