Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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