Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
