don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
