Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
