he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
