You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
