Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
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