they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
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