Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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