You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
