Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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