at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
