Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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