how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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