My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
It's just like the Real World with babies
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
