i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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