***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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