Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I love you.
Bad choice
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