I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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