the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
