I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
