I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
