That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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