a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
